THE WORSHIP WONDER
ANNOUNCER - speaks from off stage
OFF STAGE VOICE
Props Needed: A table at center stage with some kind of a gadget on it to represent the Worship Wonder. A hand held computing device like a Palm Pilot would be perfect. The gadget is covered by a cloth as the skit begins.
General Directions: This skit is played like an infomercial on TV.
NARRATOR: Finding the time to attend worship services at the church on Sunday morning can often be a very difficult thing for us to do. Our lives are so busy and there always seems to be so little time that even finding one hour a week that can be set aside for worship and praise with other Christians is sometimes an impossible task. And, besides just finding the time, there is the hassle of finding a place to park and, once you're inside the church, finding a place to sit. And, then, too, there are all those people you have to meet and greet and just plain deal with to say nothing of the Pastor who always seems to be running around with his little list of things to be done looking for unwary volunteers.It can all get to be a very big problem. And, if this is a problem that you can identify with, you'll want to pay close attention to the following infomercial because help is on the way.
ANNOUNCER: (speaks boldly and with much enthusiasm) Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! And welcome to another segment of the Amazing Church Products Power Hour! As you know from our past programs, the fine folks at Amazing Church Products have tirelessly dedicated themselves to helping millions of fine people just like you find ways to easily and quickly fulfill their religious obligations in the midst of their very busy and hectic lives! Over the last 30 years, ACP has brought to the average American household such invaluable products as the Amazing Church Products Sacramental Home Wine Maker, the Amazing Church Products Communion Wafer Dougher Roller and the Amazing Church Products Automatic Lutefisk Stench Remover! Last year we introduced you to the Amazing Church Products Prayer Partner which revolutionized your prayer life and tonight we introduce you to another marvel of modern technology: the Amazing Church Products Worship Wonder! This fine product has been especially designed with the very busy Christian in mind and will make your worship life so much easier to manage that you'll often wonder how you got along without it! And now, here to introduce you to the Amazing Church Product's Worship Wonder, is our host for the evening and his lovely assistant, Harry Handsome and Glory Glorious!
(Harry and Glory rush to center stage waving, smiling and looking excited - both are dressed "to the hilt" and enter to applause from the audience)
HARRY: Good evening everybody and welcome to our show! We're so glad you could join us tonight for this very special world-wide introduction of another Amazing Church Products product that will revolutionize your worship life!
GLORY: That's right, Harry! The Amazing Church Products Worship Wonder is a wonder to behold! It's the latest in a long line of absolutely outstanding products that ACP has put on the market to help make membership in the church fun and easy for everyone!
HARRY: And I can testify to that, Glory! Before I began using the ACP line of products I had a very difficult time keeping my relationship with God on track. But, now that I'm using the full line of Amazing Church Products products my religious life has become just as easy to manage and control as every other area of my life!
GLORY: Oh, the good folks at ACP make it so easy, don't they Harry? I don't know how I ever had a religious life before I discovered the fine line of Amazing Church Products products.
HARRY: I feel the same way, Glory, so let's get right to it here and introduce this fine looking audience who has joined us in the studio today and all those fine looking folks who are watching us at home to the latest in Amazing Church Products technology - the Amazing Church Products Worship Wonder! (uncovers the gadget with great fan fare) Isn't that a beauty, Glory?
GLORY: Oh, Harry, it just takes my breath away! It's beautiful! (she lovingly picks up the gadget and stares at it dreamily) It fits so beautifully in my hand and feels just wonderful to the touch!
HARRY: Yes, Glory, and it's not only beautiful but it's made out of high strength recycled plastic so it will last a life-time.
GLORY: How does it work, Harry?
HARRY: Well, Glory, you know how hard it is to find time to attend worship services at the church in our very busy lives. I mean, it's just hard to find time for worship what with jobs and kids and school activities. And, then, there are also all those little jobs that Pastor Wayne is forever asking us to do over at the church, too. It just never ends!
GLORY: Oh, I know what you mean, Harry. Why just the other day here Pastor Wayne called and asked if I might be able to come over there and help with something but, you know, I just had to tell him that I had an appointment to get my hair done and I just couldn't break it.
HARRY: That's exactly what I'm talking about, Glory. Millions of people have trouble finding even a few minutes to help out with something at church let alone trying to find a whole hour they can commit to worship. And, then, besides finding the time there's always the hassle of finding a place to park and finding a place to sit. It can really be a problem. And that's why the fine folks at Amazing Church Products are introducing this amazing new product, the Worship Wonder.
GLORY: Show us how it works, Harry.
HARRY: Well, that's another beautiful thing about the Worship Wonder, Glory. It's so simple and easy to use. Let's say, for example, that you're ... ah ...well, getting your hair done and you know that you won't be able to get to church for worship. With the Worship Wonder, you can worship right there where you are. Just turn on the power button here and then select the style of worship you're interested in.
GLORY: What are the options, Harry?
HARRY: Oh, there are thousands but, just for example, let's say you want to worship in a traditional way. You set the mode here to "traditional," push the play button and away you go.
(the PIANIST plays a couple measures of a very traditional hymn - like "The Church's One Foundation")
Or if you're in the mood for something a little more contemporary, you set the mode to "contemporary" and then push the play button.
(the PIANIST plays a couple measures of something contemporary - like "Shine, Jesus, Shine")
And there's even a calypso mode so if you want to worship in that style just set the mode to "calypso" and push play.
(the PIANIST plays a couple measures of something calypso)
GLORY: Oh, that's just too delicious, Harry!
HARRY: Yes, isn't it wonderful? And it isn't just music. You can also hear wonderful sermons using the Worship Wonder. Just set the mode to "sermon" and push play.
OFF STAGE VOICE: (speaking in a firm, stately tone of voice) In today's Gospel reading we hear Luke telling us the story of a man who went on a journey down a dangerous road. And while he was traveling down that dangerous road he was set upon by robbers who beat him and left him for dead.
GLORY: But what if I'm in a hurry, Harry, because my hair is done and I need to get to the nail salon next?
HARRY: Well, I'm glad you asked, Glory, because the Worship Wonder also has a "fast worship" mode. Here let me show you. Just set the speed to "fast" and push play.
(the PIANIST plays a couple measures of something very fast)
And this mode also works for the spoken parts of the service, too. Here, listen to this.
OFF STAGE VOICE: (speaking as fast as he can) In today's Gospel reading we hear Luke telling us the story of a man who went on a journey down a dangerous road. And while he was traveling down that dangerous road he was set upon by robbers who beat him and left him for dead.
GLORY: Oh, that's just wonderful! (speaking to the audience) Isn't it folks? (she leads the audience in applause) So, tell us, Harry, how can each of us go about getting an Amazing Church Products Worship Wonder for ourselves?
HARRY: It's real easy, Glory. (speaking to the audience) All you have to do is call this number - 1/800/Amazing - and you can order one today! And I just know that every one of you is going to want one for yourselves! o call today and get your Amazing Church Products Worship Wonder for the low, introductory price of only $79.95. You can put it on your credit card and never again have to worry about not being able to find the time for worship! That number again is 1/800/Amazing! Dial it now!
(the audience applauds as Harry and Glory leave center stage)
ANNOUNCER: And that, folks, is the Amazing Church Products Power Hour for today! Thank you for tuning in! And don't forget to call today for your Amazing Church Products Worship Wonder or to order any of the other amazing church products in the Amazing Church Products line of amazing church products. That number again is 1/800/Amazing! Dial it now! (voice changes and speaks as fast as he can) The Amazing Church Products Worship Wonder is a registered trademark of the Amazing Church Products Power Hour. All warranties whether expressed or implied are good for a limited time from the date of purchase. This offer is not valid with any other offers. No coupons accepted. Orders must be postmarked no later than April 1, 2003 to be fulfilled at the offered price.
NARRATOR: Well, there you have it! An easy, efficient, cost effective way to avoid the headaches and hassles of worship on a regular basis. But is that really what God has in mind for his people? The members of the early church, as they're described in the Book of Acts in the Bible, placed a great deal of emphasis on their coming together for worship and believed that, when they gathered together, Christ was there with them. Their being together for worship and work, prayer and praise, song and service was central to their life and gave them the strength and courage they needed to be what God was calling them to be out in the world. And the same thing is no less true for us. Our gathering together for services of worship is central to our life together and is, more than anything else, what sets us apart as God's people in the world.
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